Traveling band

With our departure from the UK looming, we decided to spend the Easter holidays traveling this beautiful country. We packed up the car -- along with the spiffy cartop carrier we'd bought in anticipation of many family roadtrips (there have been a few) -- turned on the house alarm, got in the car, distributed snacks, realized we left the AGA running, turned off the house alarm, turned off the AGA, reset the house alarm, got back in the car, plugged in the iPhone loaded with Glee tunes and Roald Dahl books, and set off.

Being from Michigan, I grew up only really knowing driving vacations. A vacation was often driving to another Midwestern state to visit long-lost friends and far-flung relatives.  And for his part, Jeff has driven cross-country twice and ferried us relatively long distances during our years abroad. But this was a ROAD to the TRIP. We basically circled this whole damn island. About 35 hours in the car. With two children under 6. And lived to tell the tale.

First off was Kent, "England's Garden" in the southeast of the country. We tooted right over to Hever Castle, which Parisienne pal Virginia Mom had always told me was her kids' favorite sight in all of the UK, and one of the best.castles.ever.  Well, expectations pretty much matched reality, even in the chilly, breezy weather that would follow us pretty much everyplace.

 

Hever in the morning, Hever all through the night

Hever Castle was owned by the Bullen, or the much-fancier-sounding-to-these-shameless-social-climbers Boleyn family. In a strange new twist, Josie requested an audioguide - what would, it turned out, be only the first of many, because the girl apparently really likes facts. If she's gonna trot her carcass around three floors of damp, cold stone filled with smelly old furniture, fake plaster food and constantly shushing volunteer docents, she wants to know the facts, dammit. Can't say I blamed her.

Of course, I couldn't have an audioguide being that I was also chasing a two-year-old gunning to shimmy across said stone floors, climb on aforementioned smelly furniture, and throw fake plaster food. So I relied on her to tell me the facts. I got some interesting ones, like "King Henry asked this American, William Walderfaster, to fix up the house."  And "when Anne Boleyn didn't have any boy babies, King Henry made her eat chopped Hairy-Toff."  

Of course when we got to the top floor and scary-ass life-size models of all of Hank's wives, I had to explain which happened to each one, even giving her that handy mnemonic device "Divorced-Beheaded-Died, Divorced-Beheaded-Survived."  She was absolutely enthralled. We then collected Hugo and Jeff, walked through all the gardens, grabbed some hot tea and scones, and headed for Maidstone, our Kent Central Base.

Day 2 of our Kent tour included medieval Canterbury, and - of course - the famed Canterbury Cathedral, where Thomas Becket was murdered, mobilizing the millions of pilgrims that inspired Chaucer's Canterbury Tales. The Cathedral was amazing and included a shrine to Becket, caskets of both Edward, the Black Prince and Bishop William Courtenay, as well as Henry II and Joan of Navarre. The place is gold for an English history buff like me.

Charming medieval Canterbury

Canterbury Cathedral

Cousin Randy was a Bishop?!?

After a quick lunch it was Daddy's choice, which was the interactive Canterbury Tales exhibit, in which you walk through a series of realistically urine-smelling rooms and hear several of Chaucer's tales accompanied by more scary-ass life-size plastic people singing and acting them out. Neither child did, as Frommer's Family Guide to England predicted, try to flee screaming and have to be escorted out through the emergency exit, though they quite crankily demanded fudge afterward.

From Canterbury we went right to Dover, sadly skipping Sandwich, where we had planned to stop and, well, have a sandwich. Dover Castle belongs in the family guidebooks -- it was totally cool, having recently been refurbished with new MDF thrones, tables, beds, all of which kids could climb on. Since it was spring break there were loads of kids' activities. Unfortunately we had to skip the secret tunnels and wartime hospital constructed during the Second World War, which are apparently the best part, in order to catch our 4:00 boat to see the White Cliffs.

 

Dover Castle, significant in both Medieval and WW2 Times

 

Whoa - Americans seize the throne! 

The White Cliffs and slightly downstream Seven Sisters are beautiful and worth the cold, wet, misty trip to see them. Especially since both kids got to steer the boat! We then broke for dinner, which included -- of course -- incredible Dover Sole meuniere. Julia Child would have wept.

Beautiful White Cliffs as seen from our dinghy

 

Mutiny! 

England's garden well in hand, we set off Easter Sunday -- amid snow flurries, naturally (see SALZBURG, 2012) -- for Yorkshire, home to James Herriot, the Brontes, and Bram Stoker's inspiration for Dracula, Whitby Castle. We'd never been to Cambridge, so we stopped for lunch, walking a bit around Kings' College where Henry again yet oversees things.

 

We can't get away from this guy! 

We hopped back in the car and after an hour or so I looked at the map and said "it only takes us about 20 minutes out of our way to stop by Sherwood Forest."  The best part about a road trip! You can stop here, check out that, etc. etc. So a brief detour brought us to Robin Hood's hangout, along with the Main Oak where Robin shot that famous arrow to win the Sheriff of Nottingham's competition. Josie, who has long loved both the Errol Flynn and Walt Disney versions of the film, was in heaven.

The Famous "Main Oak" of Merry Men fame

Then, our arrival in Yorkshire. What beautiful countryside! Any extended UK trip should definitely include a few days here. You could spend a week and never run out of places to hike, cool castles to see, or amazing Sunday roasts to eat.

I ticked off a bucket list item with the charming, achingly sad Bronte Parsonage Museum, after which we hiked around a town called Grassington in the Yorkshire Dales. We stayed at an adorable B and B, which unfortunately had no guest lounge, so we spent three more nights falling asleep trying to outlast our endlessly perky children so we could finish our boxed DVD set of the Killing (we didn't).

 

Everyone died. The end.

 Dressing the Part

 

Hiking in the Dales 

 

Feeding the chickens

The next day was reserved for a fun-filled day in what we like to call Old York, where Josie's best friend E and his parents, our friends R and A, had moved about 19 months before. R, whom we can also call Montana Mom since that's where she grew up, had planned an action-packed itinerary filled with visits to the city's best museums, a ride on the Wheel of York (just like the London Eye) and dinner in an Italian restaurant installed in the city's beautiful old Assembly Rooms.

Assembled in front of one of Henry VIII's torched Abbeys

It's easy to see why York edged out Bath in last year's contest for Britain's most beautiful city. Josie and E reconnected immediately, running all over the place, putting on all the dress-up clothes, putting on puppet shows and filming each other on their mummies' iPhones.  Hugo tried to tolerate all that chumminess, largely failing miserably.

So... this Caesar guy. Should we take him out?

Beautiful York Minster

Wednesday it was up and -- after feeding B and B owner Lyndsey's chickens and eating the eggs we'd found the day before -- off to Edinburgh.  It was a long drive, so we decided to stop at Hadrian's Wall, the northernmost border of the Roman Empire, for a stroll and lunch.  There are several points of the Wall to visit, but we chose the old Roman fort, complete with baths, and apparently a very old-school potty.

A bit of Hadrian's Wall, on the other side of the river

 

Another burned-out Abbey in North-north-north England

We got into Edinburgh late afternoon, just enough time to check into yet another Premier Inn and take a quick stroll around the Old City. What a beautiful place!  Jeff and I had both been before, Jeff twice in fact, but I had forgotten what a grand, cosmopolitan, easygoing and fun city it is. I began my long and ultimately unsuccessful search for a cashmere airplane blanket and we ate in a hilarious Faux-Americana restaurant (if I never have a greasy burger OR hear "The Heart of Rock and Roll" again it will be too soon).

Our Full Edinburgh Day started at Edinburgh Castle. Totally amazing, though totally full of flights and flights of uneven stone steps so Josie ran out of gas and patience fairly quickly. We got to see the Crown Jewels of Scotland (no, not Andy Murray!!!) which she loved, while listening to our tour guide's absolutely delicious accent.

 

Edinburghers with Cheese

Illusions at the Camera Obscura museum

After Edinburgh Castle it was off to Holyrood House, the castle where Mary Queen of Scots famously lived, where her secretary and potential lover was stabbed 27 times, and lots of other facts I got to hear because I insisted on a damn audioguide too.

 

In the abbey (burned, shocker!) at Holyrood House Palace

Our last morning in Edinburgh was spent touring the Royal Yacht Britannia, which was a real solid by Jeff considering it would kill our chances of getting to the Beatles Experience in Liverpool before closing time. A reeeeeal solid because it was SO COOL!  It was decomissioned in 1997, not coincidentally, I don't think, right after Princess Diana died, and has sat in Edinburgh's harbor, untouched, decorated as the Queen and Prince Philip had it, ever since.

 

You can Ring Her Bellllll, the Queen's Bell

 
They each had their own bedrooms (single bed, each) and offices!  There's a music room, a formal dining room, and informal dining room, a fudge pantry, a den, all decorated in sublime 1960s kitsch. We all had audioguides, and traipsed through the world's most famous yacht mouths agape. And of course proceeded to drop one kajillion GBP in the gift store. How can you say no to fudge made on the Britannia? Or matching coffee mugs that say His Majesty and Her Majesty?

 

The "Honeymoon suite" and the one double bed onboard, 

requested specifically by Prince Charles for the Royal honeymoon

Then it was time to leave Scotland and head south again. Again relying on the map for inspiration, we stopped off at Lockerbie for lunch and a sad walk around the Garden of Remembrance.

Memorial Wall at Lockerbie's Garden of Remembrance

By dinner time we'd arrived at our final destination, the medieval town of Chester, recommended by Pittsburgh Mom and her husband. We had what everyone hoped would be our last fatty pub meal of the near future and hit the hay ready for The Final Day.

Quaint-as-all-getout Chester

Day 9. Sunshine! Beautiful!  So as much as we'd all been completely willing to backtrack to Liverpool to honor the Fab Four, it seemed sacrilegious NOT to spend the first beautiful day in months at Chester Zoo, Britain's biggest Zoo and the country's second most popular attraction (if the brochures are to be believed).

Good decision!  There were baby elephants!

Baby Giraffes!

Baby Gigglesnorts!

Then, sadly, it was time to head home to Bath.  I can't say it was a very relaxing trip;  we were never more than 4 feet away from both our children, we never got to drink wine and look at the stars or watch even five minutes of The Killing.

Still, we saw more of this beautiful country than most of our friends have, honestly, and shared experiences I know we'll all treasure (well, except Hugo but we'll show him pictures) for the rest of our lives!  It was the perfect way to start winding down our UK life. Hail, Britannia!!