Prolonged absentia et dementia

Oy. It's been awhile.

I could make lots of excuses. I made a clandestine journey to Argentina for a much-needed tummy tuck. I was abducted by aliens who insisted on probing my brain for the secret to defeating Newt Gingrich. I was abducted by Newt Gingrich to do janitorial work in a top-secret child labor pilot program in which they curiously decided to use women suffering from baby brain instead of actual children. But really, the latter two sound like cover stories for the first, so perhaps I should just stop there.

All my fans (well my two fans, my mother and apparently Newt Gingrich) were asking, "when are you going to start writing again?" Well, the truth is I've been scratching loads and loads, just not for fun (yes, all evidence to the contrary I do find this fun). I find work fun too, though -- really fun, which makes me pretty dang lucky but leaves poor Jane and Newt crying in their Zimas. Oh, you heard me right. SPOTTED: Jane Davidson and Newt Gingrich sharing Zimas at Bar Louie on Hall Road in Sterling Heights.

He asks: how do I win married women over 55 - uh, 35 - in Romney's "Other Home State?"
She asks: How can you accelerate global warming so that the UK just kind of breaks off, drifts across the Atlantic and sticks to Maine so that I can drive 17 hours to see my grandchildren like a normal person?

It could happen!

NOTE: Since publication I have learned that the light and refreshing malt beverage formerly known as Zima actually went out of production in 2008. So it seems this twisted tête-à-tête is even more nefarious than previously assumed. Did Jane envision the former Speaker's future greatness before anyone else? Was Newt trying to sell her on his completely plausible and not at all sickmaking open marriage plan? I guess we'll never know, but I was there when she received his "robocall" asking for her help with his campaign to save America, so like you, I will always have to wonder. Frankly, I just went to too much trouble with the Googling and the photoshopping to drop the Zima reference. Newt and Jane for-evah.

Any-WHO, you can see by that bizarre stream of consciousness that I've dumped blogging and Angry Birds for political clips and campaign updates. Don't even get me started on the ramifications of reapportionment and redistricting in Texas and Nevada. Overall less interesting and certainly less British.

I feel badly for such a prolonged absence. I'm all "ohmigod, no one is going to recognize the kids!"

I know, right? They grow up so damn fast!

The holidays were a whirlwind. We made our annual trek to London to celebrate my birthday week, staying at the ultraMod W in Leicester Square (picture Times Square x 100, haze of pot smoke, lots of puking and public urination, and a red rope to get past just to stumble in and crash after 67 pieces of sushi and 9 glasses of wine). We spent a lovely day and evening with former Bon Marche Mom, now Little Venice Mum I guess... and her dashing husband and lovely children. LVM and I took the girls to a puppet show on a barge --I guess what you'd expect in a nabe called "Little Venice" -- to see an interesting piece called "Brer' Rabbit meets Brer' Santa" which I really can't explain except to say there were Jamaican accents and gorgeous, expressive wooden marionettes, a fox dressed as Santa and and really cool, funky soundtrack. The girls had fun.

But they always have fun, whether they're sitting at a puppet show or inside a fireplace.

Then the dads and boys came and met us and we went to a garden center all decorated for the holidays, which doesn't sound very cool but in London that includes stalls of antique books and fancy chocolates and supercalifragalisticexpialadocious light displays.


The lovely Francesca, Josie's former favorite Bath babysitter, who's now an official nanny living in London, sadistically used her night off to come care for our offspring so that Jeff and I, along with LVM and LVD, could "hit the town," which apparently now entails, as I said above, eating 79 pieces of sushi (so I hedged) and drinking 11 glasses of wine before collapsing face down and fully clothed. We had a blast.

Someone's a little too excited for sushi

This was just my order.

Dude, that was a trippy hotel

Upon our return from Londontown we were met with the season's next Major Theatrical Event, which was the Royal High School for Girls' nativity play! Most of you have seen Josie's turn as the Christmas Star by now, but in case you are already nostalgic for holiday cheer and cross-dressing preschoolers, here's an encore presentation.

As we would be separated for most of the Festival of Light due to mine and the kids' early departure for the U.S., we celebrated "Fake Chanukah" a week early and with gusto, even having friends for latkes. Josie really got into the holiday this year; she loved lighting the candles, asked lots of questions, learned the blessings. In a country where we are completely surrounded by all things Christmas and basically No Things Chanukah (boy I miss New York at that time of year!) it's really important to celebrate together and keep our traditions.

Josie wanted to get Jeff a pocket watch. It was her idea, and we
traipsed all over Bath to find the perfect one.

Somewhere in the middle of Fake Chanukah we celebrated my actual birthday. I felt very blessed this year (even though I turned 39! Father Time, we have toxic parenting issues to discuss!)

The trip to the States was fab. The flight itself was easier than I anticipated. As I approached security with two children, three carry-on bags, a stroller and an Emergency Baby Bjorn cinched around my middle, I started to fear I'd embarked upon a suicide mission. But the Heathrow airport staff were patient and helpful, and onboard the passengers actually rallied around me to help me get boarded, stowed and settled. Hugo sat quietly, dummy in mouth, for 8:41. Josie watched movies and plowed through seven sticker books before collapsing into a 2-hour nap. I even got to re-watch half of Bridesmaids!

Yup, there's me during Hugo's nap

The holidays in Port Huron and New York were terrif -- in Michigan we took Josie to see the Nutcracker in Ann Arbor with my Lemon Sister Annie and her girls, after which Josie skipped down State Street belting "Hail to the Victors." Annie joked, "keep skipping over to the admissions office! You're in! Super Early Admissions!" Lots of shopping and seeing friends, introducing Hugo around, yearly pilgrimage to the Bavarian Inn with Jeff for chicken dinner, and spending time with Awntie Emily, Nom and Pee-pa. We also took Josie to see Meadowbrook Hall, which was decorated for the holidays and just as cool as I remembered from my Girl Scout visit at age 10.

We're crazy in the PoHu!

Who are these people and how did I get here?

So many things wrong with this one I don't know where to start.

NYC was a blur of festivities - Michelle and "Butch" (Rich) trekked up from Virginia to squire us around Midtown and show Josie the tree and skaters at Rockefeller Center, the Eloise Tree at the Plaza, FAO Schwartz (sensory overload), and a New York classic: eating a hot dog while huddling against Tiffany and Co., shivering. The whole Hot Dog Episode actually illustrated what has happened between our days as Manhattan dwellers and our present-day, veddy British existence:

Jeff orders 2 hot dogs. The Hot Dog Guy yells "ketchup or mustard?" Jeff for some reason becomes panicked, whips his head over to me and barks "Beth! Ketchup or Mustard? Now!" Equally panicked, I stammer "m-m-mustard!" even though I'm a total Ketchup Girl. I recover to order ketchup for Josie, and Jeff pays the guy $27.49 for two hot dogs and a Diet Coke (okay I exaggerate, but we quickly learned that living on the UES requires laughing, closing your eyes and opening your wallet while pretending it's filled with play money. Parking for 8 hours? $62. 1L of Pellegrino? $9, etc). I'm all "Man, what happened to you?! It's just the freakin' hot dog guy, not Tony Soprano!"

We had a good laugh while we devoured the Best.HotDogs.Ever (according to Josie whose palate is quite developed for a preschooler). Said palate was really put to good use when we stood in line at the new Laduree (Michelle's dangerous obsession) on the UES for 30 minutes waiting for "vanilles" (macarons) which cost at least twice as much as in Paris (which didn't stop Michelle from buying her usual 80-pack), but delicious all the same.

With Auntie 'Chelle at the Eloise Tree in the Plaza Foyer
(that's as far as we serfs get these days)

Other highlights: the always-gorgeous Alvin Ailey with my MIL, SIL and AIL (that's Aunt In Law, and she is not ailing, she's in fabulous shape), pancakes and laughs with my expecting friend W, a rockin' New Year's soiree hosted by my very stylish SIL and fam (we 4 were of course home and falling asleep on the couch by 9:30), New Year's Day bagels with friends on the UWS, a subway ride to Brooklyn to meet my friend T's new twins, and a trip to Nyack to see the house and our friends J and J and adorable funny kids. Nyack looked great; I always love to visit and shop and remember what we're heading back to, one day!!

Rockin' City Center with the Rothman/Hodin ladies

Maybe we'll get a doctor in the family after all!!

January -- already gone -- was a blur as well; Josie was overjoyed to return to school as the RHS split the nursery class, moving the older girls into a new preschool section. So Josie and her older classmates are busy doing pre-reading, letter formation, and everything else necessary to prepare them for "reception" (kindergarten) in the fall. She is really thriving in art, reading, French, music... it's amazing to see what she learns - and more importantly, what she asks - week after week.

She's really developing a style too. Check out the high-tops!

And what can we say about Hugo? He's sprouting teeth all over the place, I think we're up to five but someone else always manages to notice the latest before I do! He started crawling toward the end of the holidays and it is game.on. Of course he has no interest in the zillions of toys we and others have bought him, but is obsessed with every cord, outlet, trash can, magazine, stereo component, gadget, etc. in the house. For her part, Josie is just trying to set the parameters of coexistence.


The amazing Clairy Poppins is back on the job, so I've got 12 hours a week to work, exercise, do errands, and hopefully blog a LOT more. We've got lots of fun plans on the horizon, from a Von Trappian trip to Bavaria to Cornwall with Jeff's parents to hopefully a quick sprint to Paris.

Check out my toofs!

Au revoir mes amis, and back soon, I hope!!